bleed on those who hurt you 🩸

I dare you.. say the word, “masculinity”. What thoughts come to mind for you? 

Any negative words, like “toxic”..

Studies show: 

Women are more likely to empathize than men. However, empathy isn’t associated with forgiveness in women. 

When men forgive, it is with empathy. Men and women are equally forgiving though. 

So why is empathy applied differently amongst men & women 🤔 Like What!?

If you just thought about what qualities are associated with these two words, great. Which energy do you feel others perceive you leading with?

“Breh, I’m so lost.

Toxic masculinity! What does that really mean?

You and I are living in a social construct I get that. I thought all of my qualities were the masculine ways to show up.

I didn’t know I was toxic, or apart of toxic men. IDK man!”

Masculinity IS this social construct weaved into our language too. It’s as much as self-perception as it is cultural norms. 

Society has a way of putting people in a box. You are either in or out, this or that. It sucks, I know. 

Words like vigor, strength, and toughness are associated with masculinity. I think of many ‘people’ that come to mind:

• Frida Kahlo 

• Harriet Tubman

• Nellie Bly

Women have been kicking ass and taking names for eons.

Toxic masculinity is that obnoxious voice in the back of the room that yells out ‘this is a man’s world”. 

Don’t you want to tell him to, “shut yo ‘ol ass up and make something”. 

Toxic masculinity likes to paint a picture that highlights the negativity within masculinity. 

It’s a concept exaggerating masculine traits, like misogyny, homophobia, and violent domination and it hurts.

Not only the women involved but the society within. 

The truth is that masculinity and femininity have a lot in common. It all comes down to being human.

Here are some qualities that hold space for masculinity and femininity alike, no toxicity needed:

1. Holds space for acceptance and tolerance

2. Assumes responsibility & appreciates individual differences

3. Empathetic, assertive and honorable

4. Recognizes self value and influence without feeling threatened  

5. Masters perspective v. living in own perception constantly  

6. Oscillates authentic emotional expression and values emotional composure  

7. Accountable and protective nature 

8. Authentic - Noble - Thoughtful

9. Ebb and flows with purpose

10. Embodies a “Don’t tread on me” attitude  

11. Lead - Follow - Listen - Care

12. Intellectually evolved for a nuanced understanding of gender expression

Masculinity, like femininity, doesn't exist within binary linguistic terms - this or that terms. 

Where Does it Come From?

“Real men don’t cry”… Ever heard the saying?

It’s false narratives like these that are mixed into society’s DNA that creates the toxic masculinity problem and so many others. 

We all know everyone feels pain and cries. The thing is that society doesn’t tolerate boys to men, showing it.

Mainstream society would like us to believe that men are emotionless robots. 

society = collectively, us all. 

This notion, “We are what society makes us” has been studied in peer reviewed studies for some time. You’d be fascinated with the findings!

 As a result, men hold onto trauma and bottle it up inside until one day their unprocessed emotions spill over.

You know how it goes…

Heal from what hurts you or you will bleed on those who didn’t cut you. 

Toxic masculinity does our culture no favors:

• Domestic abuse

• Gender-based violence

• Gun violence

• Homophobia

• Misogyny

• Rape culture

• Sexual assault

Taking space here → the above is not tolerated. 

As children, we lost count of how many times we heard someone saying, ‘man up’ or ‘stop being a girl’. Really?! 

Your gender doesn’t matter. Strength, confidence, and badassness is a matter of character. 

This is something we can find in every home and community around the world. Let’s take a stand and get this shit right.

How you can support breaking down barriers of social norms? 

We can start by educating ourselves more on gender equality. Check this out:

• UN Women

• Association for Women’s Rights

• Center for Reproductive Rights 

• Plan International 

• Equality Now

What do you feel about tonight’s note?

Don’t leave me on seen, reply. Would love your feedback.