Cage Bird Sings 🦜

Your first few steps might be a bit wobbly. 

Post life after a breakup, a divorce even - is a wild adventure! 

If you want to learn how to date after a relationship ends. Step one, learn how to flirt again. 

Perception creates our reality, and our reality is a box full of experiences. 

I understand you’re a kaleidoscope of emotions. Fill in the blank ___, go ahead.

When the relationship was fresh in your mind after it ended, what words come up? 

If you want to get back out there - Release that energy & don’t let that hold you back. 

Single is a great space to practice dating. Social skills too, even working on all the ways your trauma manifested. Don’t rush too quick - feel seen, be heard. 

Here’s Your Checklist:

1. What are your intentions? Know before you go 

   1. Do you want casual dating? Sexual encounters?

2. Don’t expect to be emotionally ready for anything serious 

3. Work with a coach or therapist to set some goals

4. Allow friends to help you create your dating site profiles.

5. Read more. Become excited to have conversation

6. Have a list of dating activities to do not cost money 

7. Have a list of dating activities available that do not involve alcohol

“Eric, allow yourself time to grieve homie! Grief is natural. It’s in part, healing. If you don’t take time to grieve you might fvck around and get stuck in your lightskin Drake tendencies.. 

This article I saw mentioned, 

People who avoid grieving after a loss or separation are more disconnected within their body. You have like 10 different signs showing you’re not connected within yourself bro. Check it out.”

A disconnect within your: Spirit, Mind, Body, Sex

Will impact your ability to build connected relationships. Fully processing your divorce is key to being mentally ready to date again. 

Don’t be a ticking time bomb to your relationships. Grieve and process. 

Time in this sense, is a measure on how much of the self-healing work you’ve done. Not on how cool you can avoid the trauma and find new ways of relating drama. 

Your ex helped to reveal your flaws too, right? Are you clear of what you desire in a relationship?

Not accepting and growing from your part in the past relationship is exactly what your ex meant. The exact moment when they said, “you stink 🤢”!

Let’s avoid going back down the same road. Do this:

• Before you speak, observe. 

• Before you demand, what are your feelings? 

• Before you trauma dump, what are your needs? 

• Before you become needy, what are the requests you have? 

Before any of the above ⬆️ Do this: 

Rest assured the only way to work through future conflict is knowing how to fight fair. Yes! Be well prepared emotionally to receive their observation, feelings, needs and requests too. 

• Don’t pester them if they have nothing to say. 

• Don’t throw away the gut feeling if they’re always withholding. 

• Goes without saying..choose wisely. 

• nada here, just needed a 4th bullet.

The beauty of life is that we change with the seasons. 

What you feel today is not what you need come winter. 

What are your values? What principles do you stand behind? 

Are you the person that your ideal person would want to be with? 

No? Then what intention do you want your attention to be on when you work on yourself. 

If you still intend to date or if you answered [yes].

→  When dating, let them know your intent and what you do not consent to as you continue to grow and focus on you. 

Dating again brings some new stressors to our life. It’s not always clear how to handle the stress of dating, check in with your feelings.

Smooth your transition into excitement and pleasure:

Smooth is fast. Take your time and be patient. Allow things to develop naturally. Our perception of time is not the same as the universe. Let destiny do its thing.

Be honest. Starting fresh means you have a clean slate. There is no need for bullshit 💩. Be cognizant of the disguises you decide to wear. Masking, masks truth. 

“Wait.. wait. But like, people I’ve dated can’t handle my truth. They always have something to say or shit even want to break up because I’m different than them!”

I had to tell Eric,

Be reasonable. Don’t expect your first play to be a touchdown. It’s possible but not likely. Dating is supposed to be fun. Test out the waters and get a sense for what is right for you. 

Permission Granted: Feel. It’s okay if you feel a resistance at first to get close to someone. That’s totally understandable and normal. That’s why we suggest you take it slow. 

As scary as it can be, that’s how human connection works. Give yourself permission to feel. Don’t feel guilty. This is your life and your time. 

Not in the chapter of dating post breakup? Next week we’re talking about feeling traumatized after ending a relationship. You do not want to miss!

We integrate sexual and mental well-being, inviting everyone to join the conversation. Share your story or questions by replying to this email.