Circumcision! The reason men suck in bed? (June 14th)

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#JFO Seen “GGG” on your Tinder swipes? It actually stands for: “good, giving, and game”. It signifies being skilled in bed, offering equal pleasure, and being open to new experiences with consent. While it implies a willingness for satisfying connections, this acronym in your dates bio may be the only red flag needed for mom…while it may be the green flag you’ve been waiting for!

Reader Comment:

“I really liked that you shared a relatable personal experience.”

Picture this: you're a sex coach, sex therapist, or sexologist. How many times are you gonna hear this question in different ways: "How do I tell my man he's never given me an orgasm?"

Ouch!* This brings us to today’s question

Dear Feeling Seen,

My bf of 3 years still can’t get me off! I’ve read everything about everything, and only got off with my second, who wasn’t circumcised..can that be it?

Sincerely,

3yrs & Not a day Longer

Since our first newsletter dropped on Feb 22, we've heard this question asked in 19 different ways. We hear you, loud and clear.

Here’s the thing:

For far too long, sex has been dominated by a narrow-minded, male-centric view. This has erased the experiences and pleasure of women and those who don’t fit the heteronormative paradigm. The traditional porn industry has been a key player in perpetuating this toxic narrative, creating and consuming content primarily for the male gaze. Meanwhile exploiting female performers with little regard for their pleasure and consent. The result has been a culture perpetuating shame, stigma, and harmful stereotypes surrounding sexuality and diverse sexual identities. This has diminishes the importance of the female orgasm.

Hence, the 19 questions.

The fact is: Female-bodied individuals want pleasure, too.

And it’s often up to male-bodied individuals whose pleasure has been prioritized in the past, to change their perspective.

Let's dig deeper and bring in a new topic of discussion regarding sexual pleasure. Are you concerned about how some elective procedures have severe side effects? Elective surgery, yes, there is a possibility of death to your neonatal child when the worst possible case scenario if nothing happens, is an STI! Which….the CDC has already said ~ 68 million Americans already have an STI, according to a 2018 study. That’s 1 in 5 for easy math.

What about:

• 83.1% reported {males} say they had experienced emotional harm, 75.1% reported psychological harm and 74.4% reported low self-esteem. All caused as a result of their circumcision. Research conducted by Denniston & Milos. You can find their books on Amazon!

• Scar Tissue - what’s left behind on skin after a wound heals. Also mentioning a circumcised man has 24/7 contact with different fabrics rubbing up against his foreskin opening/outer foreskin layer and frenar band. The clitoral hood shields the clitorus from abrasions. This alone reduces the intensity and fullness during a male's sexual response.

• Several feet of blood vessels to include the frenular artery and branches of the dorsal artery, are removed in circumcision. This catastrophe interrupts normal blood flow to the shaft and glans of the penis. This damages the natural function of the penis and altering its development.

We can continue with the disadvantages of becoming circumcised but let’s not. Our mission today is to unearth at least one reason men continue to “poke” rather than “stroke”. From the National Health Service organization mentioned that there may be “permanent reduction in sensation in the head of the penis, particularly during sex”.

With mountains of data showing (and our common sense) that circumcision, in the very sweetest way, takes away a man’s sensitivity. So is that the reason myself and so many others have been apart of this damn “poking pandemic”!? 

Mike, are you saying, men are simply trying to “feel”? And the only way they know how is by humping like a jack rabbit trying to catch sensations? NO. 

So, what gives...

Are there other factors at play: acting out what was seen in that last porn scene, doing exactly what worked for a previous partner (clue: all people are diff bozo), never learning rather being a caveman “stick goes in hole” mentality, selfish “I got mine. You worry about yourself” mentality? Who knows the exact reason why some men poke rather than caress and stroke. From what I’ve been told, all men around the world don’t do the same two step 🤐 

With that said, why has roughly 80% of American men been circumcised when one-fifth of our European relatives are. 

Let the American doc's feel seen here:

• Studies have shown circumcision slightly lowers the risk of UTIs. Although less than 1% of uncircumcised babies will get an UTI, which antibiotics help. 

• Lowers the risk of penile cancer. Despite it happening less than 1 out of 100,000 men yearly…

• Easier hygiene and reduces the risk of penile problems. We say, “don’t be silly, clean your willy”

• Aesthetically pleasing. I’m going to sit this one out as looks are of the beholder's beauty standard. 

• Prevention of balanitis. Since this is pretty common affecting 3-11% of men, they won this round. 

• Religious reasons. Particularly Islam and Judaism. Choice is the foundation and we will not tell someone what to do within their beloved religion. I learned at an early age you’ll never win fighting facts with emotions. We love you all, and respect all your healthy religious choices. 

There’s others reasons here as well, reply with yours! There’s plenty more reasons why if you want your child to be circumcised or rather not. The assumption that, “it’s just what everyone does” is a true question to be answered for you and yours.

We are here to support you and we hope that helps keep you feeling more than just seen!

Mike and The Feeling Seen Team

Submit your story and question HERE!

Note: This content is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We cannot respond to personal requests for advice over the internet.

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