✈️ how do you deal with turbulence ?

What does marriage look like for you? A harmonious union, I hope. Aside from the legal ramifications, is a marriage a partnership? 

Loyalty. Love. Laughter. Lubrication.  

Disagreements turning into full on arguments. Trials and tribulations!

Power shifts. Crazy tornadoes happen in marriages and partnerships alike. 

Gottman Institute (2024) tells us that people who feel they don’t have a voice in a marriage feel less desired.

They lose interest in sex. More vulnerable to heated arguments.

One sec.. you don’t have any desire for sex with your partner and you’re healthy?

Your body might be signaling there’s blocks present. Blocks. Withholding your bliss that need clearing. You knew that? 

But. Are you making tough moves to do the work to clear those blocks? 

Constant shifts in power dynamics can lead to a fallout in a partnership or marriage. You want to be aware of the four-horsemen as they can ruin any type of relationship:

• Criticism → attacks a person’s character

• Contempt → communicates negative thoughts and feelings harshly 

• Defensiveness → robs you of an opportunity to be vulnerable and open

• Stonewalling → disconnects you from partner(s) by shutting them out

You want truth.. It's easy to forget that marriage is a partnership. We’re only human, not iRobots. 

“Comfort is a sign of closeness and potential danger in a relationship,” says the homie. His story gives insight into the world of partnerships and marriage.

“Monday was the worst day of the week for me and my wife. The start of a new week brings constant stress 😮‍💨! We were never a team on Monday morning. 

Stress ran through our house like a tornado. Before we knew it, we were at each other’s throat. And yeah man. I’m aware of the four-horseman showing up.

On Mondays, we forget why we were together and what made us team. Days. Weeks. Months and years went by. We had one too many Mondays.

Things fall apart, you know. 

After going to counseling together, we learned that we didn’t have a problem with our marriage.

The problem was that we forgot we were a team. Partners.

A marriage in our society doesn’t last without a strong and balanced partnership. I even placed the blame on parents having less children. 

I figured having fewer siblings (often single parent) meant only one thing. A bunch of selfish independent individuals. What happened to interdependence? 

It’s like your dog providing you love and happiness (and snuggles and laughter). You provide your dog with food and walks (and attention and cute voices). 

Is it too hard to ask for this compassionate interdependence?”

The homie helped me to realize it’s not about what you call your relationship.

You can be in a marriage, in a civil partnership, or dating for the long term. We’d still end up in the same boat. It’s about how well you nurture. 

Whether you prefer partnership or marriage, neither works if you are not a team. A team working towards one mutually discussed outcome.

Oldness, the opposite of “newness” we don’t like. It feels mundane and stale right?

Do you want your partnership, marriage, or harmonious relationship to stand the test of time? Replace “oldness” with antique. I need you to keep reading.

Do you like antiques? A classic car, piano, possibly a work of art.  Have you gone thrifting lately?

Antiques are sought after collectibles. One could say it's like a relationship that lasts.  

They’re desirable because their quality hasn’t deteriorated and so much time has passed. 

To become antique, premium quality must be present.

1. You must take care and uphold the quality. 

2. Don’t abuse, neglect or even disregard it. 

By disregarding, you see no value. Which means an antique isn’t possible. 

Change small ways in which you see, feel, and sense situations that arrive. This is an ever evolving difficulty of understanding. 

Similar to the grass is greener where you water it most.

Exactly!

Leaving a toxic environment may be best for the growth of the grass too. 

Yes, it’s all contrast. They say attitude determines altitude. 

A pilot is often considered the sexiest occupation, hell I know it to be true. A good friend of mine became “The Bachelor” and he’s a pilot ✈️.

Did you know:

If a plane is off course by one degree, it will miss its landing spot by 92 feet for every mile it flies.

For example, if a plane is off course by one degree from JFK to LAX, it will end up 40 miles off in the Pacific Ocean!

Crazy right! Imagine your relationship!

Let’s raise our altitude in our relationships.

Not only being aware but making the necessary adjustments in real time to getting back on course. Like we all want our pilots to. 

Tools to help look like, respecting boundaries and understanding validation is needed often.

Like commercial pilots, there’s always a co-pilot and they each have their roles. 

It might help to make a list of who has which role(s), try balancing the wings to stay afloat. 

Consider everyone onboard when making decisions as it impacts their life too.

By moving in this direction you’re able to feel the team spirit so that you can land safe. Even when knowing turbulence is a part of the journey. 

How is tonight's note resonating for you?

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