You don't want to be Friendzoned 😒

~~Vibe Check~~

You are trying to feel someone’s vibe, and you know it's not the same as reading their mind. You have to talk about it.

Closed mouths don’t get fed. ← Where you taught that as a kid!?

It’s wild that over half [55%] of people in relationships don’t talk to their partner(s) about sex. 

The silent treatment. Adults are overgrown children. 

Let’s shake things up! Take a stand in our live & anonymous poll ⬇️

Use the below as your wingman. Improve sexual satisfaction for you and yours:

• Acknowledgement: What do you need physically?

• Connection: What are you attracted to and how do you like to connect?

• Desire: What makes you feel aroused?

• Pleasure: What feels good to you?

• Exploration: What do you want to do?

To get a copy of our useful and free

Yes/No/Maybe Sexual Checklist, reply w “give”. TBH it makes this so smooth.

😈😈😈😈😈 

“Talking about sex doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. It’s not common, but it could be. The best thing I did for my relationship was open my mouth, and learn how to use it.”  

Mark, has been a part of the collective for a while and gives insight on how to approach initiating a convo about sex. 

His background in psychology gives him a good understanding of how people are. Still, he says:

"All my training doesn’t shield me from experiencing discomfort around sex talk.

“I knew exactly what to say and why to say it, but I couldn’t convince myself to feel comfortable saying it. There’s a point when you can’t control your body with your mind.

You must do the work to calm your body, so it’s better prepared to handle stress on the body. Take your time.”

His words remind me of my aunt’s advice on how to best live life. I can hear her now:

Sex talk doesn’t need to be hard or dull. Changing our emotional lens on sexual conversation changes how we experience these discussions.

That goes for the initiator of the convo and the receiver. 

Before we can go deep, we must ground our body, or risk panicking when we detect discomfort. This is why mindfulness practices are so helpful.

In the book, NonViolent Communication by Dr. Rosenberg addresses 4 points:

1. Observation

2. Feelings

3. Needs

4. Requests 

Talking sex can be fun and fulfilling. Try these go-to options to ease your body and engage talking about sex in a fun and light-hearted way: 

Yes/No/Maybe lists are a go-to option to light the fire. Avoid putting your foot in your mouth by asking questions that are too heavy.

These two parts of Nonviolent Communication need to be done equally:

1. Expressing honestly through the above four components

2. Receiving empathically through the above four components

Initiating a conversation around sex ensure to:

Observe, speak your feelings, your needs, your requests. With only this far complete, you’re half done. Don’t stop here.  

You’d fail if this was a school paper if you stopped here. To pass and excel you must also:

Receive what you observe from your partner, hear their feelings, needs and requests to.

The trick when you’re expressing is to not point fingers, focus by using “I” statements. 

• I feel X when I…

• I need X when I..

And so on and so forth.  

Sexual conversation can be uncomfortable. Due to how our thoughts are to our feeling associated with the emotion. 

Easy version = how we feel in our body. 

Calming and relaxing our body is key to improving distress tolerance. Learning how to center yourself is critical. Especially when you feel unstable, this allows you to experience deeper connections.

Paired exercises such as Yab Yum are excellent for improving intimacy. All you need is vulnerability and your partner. 

So far you’ve gained a new way of speaking with:

Nonviolent Comms, can practice Yab Yum, worked on calming yourself but damn are you hungry? I know I am!

Cooking is a gateway to healthy conversation and sexual pleasure. Aphrodisiac dinners such as aromatic mediterranean pasta and Swedish dark chocolate. 

Paired with some red wine, or add a bit of THC to your chocolate if you’re the type. 

Set the mood and the environment for an intentional conversation. Listen with your heart. It’s not just what we say but how we say it that gives meaning. 

We integrate sexual and mental well-being, inviting everyone to join the conversation. Share your story or questions by replying to this email.