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🧨 The Emotions of Ex-Sex (Nov 2)

🧨 The Emotions of Ex-Sex (Nov 2)

🧨 The Emotions of Ex-Sex

November 02, 2023

Reading Time: 5 Minutes

Breaking up with someone → a term loaded with fear and misunderstanding! Unless you like to search for the blessing in disguise.

The thought of parting ways can mean something bad, ugly, or hurtful. But soon, you’ll look back, and realize it doesn't have to be that way.

We're diving into the complexities of post-breakup intimacy and offering some fervent solutions.

LOVE LETTERS FROM OUR READERS

Dear Feeling Seen,

My ex and I have still been seeing each other and hooking up. It seems to be a little bit of a theme to have sex after an argument, or even in a moment of silence during an argument, and end up turning into us having sex. I would say most of the time, he initiates but I definitely don’t resist. I wonder what this means and how to make sense of it. it doesn’t feel super wrong but it’s something i’m ashamed about and haven’t told anyone. for context, he broke up with me, and our relationship has been nothing but love and care, but we definitely have a very sexual relationship.

Your Friend,

user69: A Passionate Predicament 📍 San Diego

Dear user69: A Passionate Predicament,

You're not alone. Many of us can relate. We've all had moments when we revisit our past with a mix of curiosity and vulnerability. These post-breakup rendezvous often stem from a desire for comfort and familiarity.

Exes can provide a sense of security. Especially when vulnerability or desire scratch at our emotions.

Relationships often blur the lines between love, desire, and nostalgia.

Remember that the most crucial conversation you'll ever have is the one with yourself. It's your inner dialogue that guides you through life's intricate situations.

Love & Breakups 101

“Pain makes you stronger, fear makes you braver, heartbreak makes you wiser.”

The end of a relationship can be messy, emotional, and sometimes downright painful. A healthy breakup is like a fresh start.

It's a chance to grow, learn, and remove things that block our way. The universe's way of saying, "Let's make room for something beautiful."

And you're saying, "I care enough about us and myself to remove the barriers that block our growth."

Healthy breakups aren't about manipulative texts, insults, or threats. It's not about telling one’s secrets, cyberbullying, running away to a new place, or in the arms of a turtle. Whos playing the slow game, waiting for you to break up and give you a shoulder to cry on 🐢.

It's about understanding that emotions can be like waves, sometimes tumultuous and unpredictable. Yet always worthy of respect.

You can be respectful towards a person and still not have respect for that person. It's about breaking up in a way that honors the love you once shared.

Learning and Growing Together

You're not "wrong" for sharing moments with your ex. It's human nature to seek comfort when vulnerable or passionate. Research shows that 25% of the population goes back for a second round.

Many have walked in your shoes. You're not alone in your journey, it's our common humanity.

Tools for Your Journey

Your feelings matter

1. Defining Boundaries: Setting boundaries is essential to protect yourself. Clarify what you both want from the relationship. Know your expectations & communicate them. Dr. Cortney S. Warren goes into further

2. Pause for Power: Before impulsiveness takes over when it's intense, pause. A quick 2-second pause can help you regain control and override your emotional center.

3. The Habit Dilemma: Old habits die hard, especially when triggered by intense emotions. Habits are hard to break, and it's natural to find comfort in reliving good times.

4. Embrace the Convo: Shame has no place when you're seeking a deeper understanding of your situation. Don't be afraid to confide in someone you trust, or even seek professional guidance. Try this to ease the pain of shame.

5. Art of Self-Compassion: Don’t be too hard on yourself. Finding comfort in the familiarity of an ex-partner is easy to do. Especially when vulnerability or desire strikes. Those feelings and memories are still there. Despite what caused the split.

Some exes can experience sexual intimacy without commitment

Your journey is like navigating a labyrinth. Journal your observations, write about emotions, and create a map of your inner world. Reflect on the "cost" of intimate encounters with your ex.

Channel overwhelming emotions into new, exciting experiences. When you’re ready try pleasure journaling, where attention goes, energy flows.

And, with love, don't go on this journey alone. We all need a "ride or die" homie. Someone who keeps it real, honest, and direct. Call your battle buddy when you need a reminder of why you're moving forward.

Now, you might be wondering, "How long does it take to get over a breakup?" Research suggests it's around ~11 weeks. So, the best gift you can give someone you care about is some empathy and time. [speak 4 yourself! 11 weeks my ass]

Should you Hook up with Your Ex - A Quiz!

So, What's Next?

Now, the question remains, why do we go back to our exes when we know it might not be the best decision? Is this about sex or emotions? Seeking closure? Feeling safe, or fearing rejection?

Your answer to these questions helps to bring clarity so you can make the right choices for your needs. Summer Walker's “Girls Need Love” is her raw true feelings and needs expressed in one.

Have you ever felt the pull of a past relationship? What do you think drives this urge?

Your well-being is our highest priority. Share your experiences, concerns, or adventures. It's private, submit below. Here's to a life free from suffering and filled with bliss.

Submit your story and question HERE!

Note: This content is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We cannot respond to personal requests for advice over the internet.

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Today's cheeky content was written by: Erin Alexander, Dr. Marcellues Hall, Mike Johnson

Editing by: Mike Johnson

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