what the heck! 🥴 

You’ve heard of love bombing.. you need to know about trauma minefields! 

Relationships that are ending can feel like walking across a minefield. Flooded with trauma bombs. 

Walking on eggshells, bombs. Ready to explode the second anything is triggering.

Step 1: Situational Awareness 

Trauma and relationship-endings are a perfect pair, damn simulation!

Situational awareness brings us closer to putting out fires. Fires that can emotionally burn us long after the smoke has gone.

Clarity comes after the anger of the relationship subsides. 

The awareness of what you experienced. Endured, overcame, and escaped can set off alarms over your body. You may begin the feelings of isolation, loneliness, and abandonment 😞. 

Depending on the nature of the situation, your feelings are valid.

How to Cope?

• Therapy is for everyone, grab a few sessions

• Focus on your resilience and self-esteem

• Commit to healthy self-care practices

• Renew your friendships and diversify social circle 

• Put safety measures in place 

  • if there was danger/violence in the relationship

Our friend Lance took us into his world and how things changed after he ended his relationship. He was with his girlfriend for four years, but he knew the writing on the wall couldn’t be clearer.

“As hard as it was, I did what I had to do. I thought ending the relationship would be the hard part. My problems got worse a couple weeks after the break-up. 

Every day was a journey back to who I was, and it was so hard. I didn’t realize how small and insignificant I had made myself in my relationship. I was so angry at myself and her. The smallest things would trigger me. 

I felt worthless.

All the crowded places I went alone made me feel unsafe. I lost touch. I forgot how to socialize with people. I didn’t feel human.

Do you realize how many people hold hands in the mall, that used to be me!”

Lance’s story is too common. Losing ourselves in a relationship gets real after the separation. 

When we are left to put the pieces back together, we realize how fractured we are. Nothing can prepare us for this moment.

This is why self-compassion is so important. Being too hard on yourself can increase the feeling of trauma. 

[broken glass]

Lance went on a solo retreat and reconnected with himself. Getting in touch with his authentic self provided him everything he needed to feel. Feelings of safety, validation, and fulfillment. 

Dr. Gabor Mate and others teach us that trauma is not what happens to us. It’s what happens within us as a consequence. 

The stories our nervous system carries with us, we hear as internal whispers.

Ending a relationship can reshape how we experience the world. The way we experience situations literally change us.

We feel out of our body and out of control. Getting in touch with our body and authentic self with self-care practices come in handy.

Remember this when you feel past emotions creeping in and changing your life around you.

You want to acknowledge the pain. Don’t go numb, feel it. This will increase your chances of seeking aid.  

Intergenerational attachment trauma is real. Heal yourself fully. 

Trauma is a key player because your body remembers feeling the same way in other situations.

High stress states can flood your memory with a mix of past experiences. You can become emotionally locked back in time. 

That’s the trauma monster creeping in without you noticing. 

Behaviors such as hypervigilance. Nightmares, anxiety, fear, and significant mistrust in others starts to feel normal. This can show up in future relationships and be detrimental. 

Take care of yourself. 

For your present, tomorrow and potentially future offspring. 

Make these practices a part of your daily routine to create safety in your body and relax your mind:

• Focus on your breathing

• Keep an object that reminds you of the present moment or commitment to yourself

• Remind yourself that you are safe

• Get active and move your body

• Write it down and reflect on your thoughts

• Take walks outside without shoes or go for a run in the rain to ground yourself with nature

10 ways to relax when dealing with PTSD 

Healthy commitments help you build habits that can help you heal. 

To evolve. Becoming the greatest version of yourself. 

The beginning or ending of a relationship can easily trigger trauma from our past experiences.

Dealing with trauma is not something you have to go through alone. Learn to relax, so you can calm your sympathetic (fight-or-flight) nervousness.

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