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Do You have an Insecure Attachment style
Do You have an Insecure Attachment 🫠
Reading Time: 4 Minutes
Sitting with a friend on FT listening to their 378974 relationship woe and realizing, “How TF do I tell them they’re the problem?” Que, “Anti-Hero”
#JFO Scientists have successfully created synthetic human embryos 🤯 It’s called IVG. What are your thoughts on this technology!?
#JFO The Attachment Project has a free 5min quiz telling you your attachment style. Afterwards, they give you your attachment style, of course our team is all over 😜 here’s the 4 types of attachment styles:
It’s not always our friends' insecure attachment style that gets them caught up…or dare I say, “You and your attachment style.”
There are more than a couple different attachment styles that can contribute to their situation. Sh*t attachment styles here at Feeling Seen are like changing weather. But chill, it’s okay and totally normal. EVERYONE has an attachment style because it’s how we are introduced to life by our primary caregivers. And check this, this information is not new. It’s been common knowledge since before many of us were even born, yet it still haunts us.
Wait… it gets deeper; we can shift between attachment depending on the place, situation, and the people involved 😮
INSECURE ATTACHMENT
We define insecure attachment as a conditioned response in which people feel small or unconfident around people, especially with family or in a relationship. Because of their insecure attachment style, it becomes difficult for people to maintain meaningful adult relationships and develop authentic relationships.
Insecure attachment can be seen in coping behaviors, motives behind saving things, women’s reproduction, mind development in adolescents, and a slew of other areas. John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth are the psychologists who pioneered the development of attachment theory. John Bowly described attachment as a "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings." In the relationship attachment styles theory we have four types:
Secure
Anxious
Dismissive
Fearful
Relax 😌 we promise that understanding attachment styles are A LOT simpler and more digestible than you might think.
SECURE ATTACHMENT
If you feel safe and comfortable sharing your experiences and emotions with someone, you two have a secure attachment.
ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT
If you feel the need to satisfy people in your life, fear being rejected by them, or abandoned by someone you love. Then you are most likely experiencing an anxious attachment.
DISMISSIVE AVOIDANT
If you rather push people away or break-up because you don’t know how to connect, perhaps this is you. Maybe you feel super independent and don’t think you need anyone. You are most likely experiencing a dismissive avoidant attachment.
DISORGANIZED (FEARFUL) AVOIDANT
Maybe you find yourself unable to accept help. Maybe you intentionally create space between you and your partners when you feel emotions are getting too heavy.
If you are feeling all over the place because you don’t know who to trust. Coupled with you don’t feel safe in relationships, it’s probably because you are experiencing a disorganized avoidant attachment.
WORDS OF ADVICE
Habits are hard to break. We know, here at Feeling Seen, everyone has a habit or two that we must keep our eye on. So, no judgment.
Still, we want to encourage you to remember that you are not a defenseless child anymore. You have the power to stand up for yourself, and we are going to show you how.
ANXIOUS, MAYBE?
If you are concerned about how other people feel, remember that YOU matter too. What do you want to do? Hmm. Good, go and do it! Stop worrying about what other people want and focus on what you want.
FEELING DISORGANIZED?
If you feel disorganized and fearful in your relationship, let’s start by asking ourselves a serious question: Am I safe?
If you are not in a situation that is safe or comfortable, it’s up to you to make some changes. Alternatively speak with someone you trust who can help you take accountability for your happiness.
If you are safe and there is no harm, ask yourself what you are running from. It’s not uncommon to run from good opportunities and good people in our life because we feel scared that things won’t work out, or we don’t think we deserve anything good.
DISMISSIVE MUCH!
Here is what you do. Start small. Try asking people for help with things that you don’t think challenges your character or adulthood. The point is to get comfortable asking for help because everyone needs a helping hand occasionally.
DON’T GET ATTACHED TO ATTACHMENT STYLES
No matter what, we all have our ways and attachments. Sometimes they change depending on the person we are with or the environment we are in. Either way, you are not stuck. You might be tangled up a bit, but that, you can handle.
Use pleasure as medicine to heal and release trauma. Try these non-sexual, pleasurable additions to your sex play:
Hugs
Cuddles
Holding Hands
Foot reflexology
Head on partners lap
Giving partner a massage
Dancing (non-suggestively)
Brushing your partner's hair
Taking a bath/shower together
Rubbing your partner’s eyelids softly
Kiss on the cheek/forehead/back of the hand
Sitting together with your feet on your partner's lap
Note: This content is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We cannot respond to personal requests for advice over the internet.
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