like why. work, romance, social 😩

Curios to know if you’re like me..with some cools quirks about you ◡̈ 

I love fun, great times, and pleasure in various ways. Do you? 

For some, losing control over their desire leads to disaster.

Self-care. It’s an action-based mindset. 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) might be good for you. If losing control over healthy, sexual function.

It’s known to increase positive attitudes towards sexual experiences and relationships. 

Do you have negative attitudes towards..

Reply, if a “Is CBT for ME Mini 5 question Assessment” feels right for you

“This may sound weird.. what guardrails can I use 

to not repeat and truly prevent myself with let’s say 

my problematic sexual behaviors.” 

No one told you. That you would have days like this. 

You hear about the instinctive, spiritual, romantic aspects around sex.

Or the complete negative and despicable sides. 

The mountains peak at heaven’s door as it opens up a world of ecstasy. To hell, it’s dejection can bring you to. 

“Why does the bad feel so good!” 

With Matt, he’s keeping that door open too long. That alone can let in more than pleasure.  A constant quest for more can lead us down some dark roads.

“Seriously, sex and thinking about sex can be a bit TOO MUCH at times”

As I was sipping my tea. I couldn’t help but be more curious. 

Matt talked about how his sexual impulsive desires taking over his life. 

He mentioned, at first things started off pretty normal. He always looked at himself as a normal young dude with an average sexual appetite. 

Then he started to notice that he wasn’t always in control of himself the way he wanted to be.. 

Feeling a loss of control can be problematic.

Regardless of how it shows up in our life. Who wants to experience moments where you aren’t in control of your actions. 

I don’t! Matt didn’t.

“It wasn’t that easy” says Matt.  

Here are three quick tips to help you maintain control:

-Take accountability – Don’t deny it. Claim it. Your awareness is healthy. The other side of accountability is for you to decide. Is this for or against you? 

-Make the person, human – It’s lazy to forget that we are dealing with other human beings when becoming aroused. 

• Desire for and being horny for someone is not an automatic yes, pass “Go collect $200”.

• In a consensual sex act, being lazy is giving pessimistic thoughts about the sex. The lack of mutual pleasure.. 

• Being manipulative, so you can have consensual sexual acts is lazy. Amongst many exact adjectives.

• Being Manipulative ≠ Consensual Sexual Acts 

-Shift your nervous system – Impulses are overwhelming. Redirect your NS. Tapping into the colors/shapes you see, scents you smell, and textures you feel.

• I see… and this reminds me of _____

• I smell… and this reminds me of _____

• I feel… and this reminds me of _____

“So, how did you do it?” I ask Matt. 

I was eager to see where he found the strength and tools to pull his life together.

“I was on thin ice, didn’t even realize it. 

CBT was a game changer, it took a while and some sessions of therapy but mainly me realizing my perception never had to stay the same. 

I found a new perspective. I’m here now,” he said. 

He got help from a professional who understood what he was going through. There’s no shame in the game. 

It’s about progress and taking control of your life.

Understanding impulse control and relapse:

1. Chronic nature of condition

2. Triggers/stressors

3. Psychological factors

4. Lack of coping skills

5. Environmental pressures

6. Underlying trauma

7. Withdrawal

8. Complacency

9. Unrealistic expectations

10. Stigmatization/shame 

FS couldn’t agree more.

There are several organizations. Specialists, tools, and more references to help manage these types of problems. Always remember, you are not alone. 

Here’s 3 professionals that specialize in helping with sexual compulsive behavior:

• Erin Alexander 

• Dr. Shannon Chavez 

• Dr. Michael Barta 

Compulsive sexual behavior has many faces: 

compulsive masturbation multiple affairs, multiple sexual partners, one-night stands, persistent use of pornography, meeting with sex workers,

to practicing unsafe sex without consent, cybersex etcetera.

When you feel yourself losing control, here are a few guardrails to aid:

• Express it - journal thoughts/feelings, ask “why”, “why”, “why”..

• Find a sense of belonging with a community that understands

• Thought-stopping techniques

• Discover and explore needs habits to get a boost of dopamine 

• Limiting access to places where triggers exist

• Seek medical professional for anxiety/obsessive thoughts

• Try therapy with a sex positive professional

What do you feel about tonight’s note?

We’d love to read your reply.