*NEW* SECRET SEX QUESTION REVEALED BY-LINE: Are orgasms make believe (May 31)

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Welcome Back!     

We’re ramping up here at Feeling Seen and really would love your feedback on this question: What should we call our growing community of readers here at Feeling Seen? reply to this email with your thoughts ◡̈

#JFO 😬 In 1880, the average ages of consent in the US were set at 10 or 12 years old in most states, with the exception of Delaware where it was 7!

#JFO “Few men are multiorgasmic: <10% for those in their 20s, and <7% after the age of 30.” While this in Western philosophy is considered normal, our extended family in the East practice and harness the ability to achieve male multiple orgasms, which is considered normal. We’ve seen a tick in the West of more men becoming multiorgasmic, yet this gift is for all and you can read more, here. Although this is possible, for most it seems impossible. Continue reading below 😉

Last week’s letter was about condoms and WTF🤬 nobody is wearing them! We love hearing from all of you and want to hear your stories & thoughts on the newsletter so make sure to use the survey below ◡̈ One of our Feeling Seen community members wrote in:

“Great way to help women feel empowered, especially with the women's health restrictions nationwide.”

We have a really good question today, and one that needed to be bumped to the top of the pile. Let’s get to it without further ado (and because this family member has waited long enough!)  

Dear Mike,  

I’ve never had an Orgasm before, what am I doing wrong?  

Sincerely,

Gimme the "O"

Dear Gimme the "O",  

We sat around the table for a while with this one. And OOOOOOO, do we have some advice for you.  

Orgasms are talked about with such expression and excitement, aren't they? And here you are, having experienced none of that excitement yet. Talk about FOMO!  

(Which will now forever be known as Fear Of Missing Orgasm in your honor.)  

First things first, though:  

The experience and sensations of orgasm (and leading up to orgasm) are unique to every individual. And you're in luck because there are over 15 ways a woman can have an orgasm (and counting)! This week’s blog post dives into all of them, and don’t worry, there’s something in there for our male-bodied readers as well! 

The important thing to remember is that you're not doing anything wrong.

Not reaching orgasm during a sexual experience (alone or with a partner) is extremely common. We are often taught how to have sex but very rarely taught how to have great sex. It's often a trial-and-error process filled with frustration, sometimes leading to distress, anxiety, anger, prolonged sadness, or even depression.

But who cares if it’s happening to allllll these other people, right? It’s time to focus on you!  

And we see your pain.  

Not reaching orgasm ever (or at least consistently) can feel like a terrible cycle of struggle! You're desperately trying to reach a particular outcome and never succeeding.  

The frustration that results can also add a feeling of pressure for yourself or from your partner.  

That real or imagined pressure works against your attempts to achieve the relaxation and presence required to reach orgasm.  

(See how the cycle continues to go around and around here?)  

Here are our Feeling Seen Top Five Tips to try:  

1. Rule out any medical conditions. It’s essential that we don’t bypass any medical reasons that may be at play. Ensure you have first talked to your doctor and ruled out any underlying physical or emotional conditions.  

2. Explore as much as possible. During sex, shift your position, move your body in new ways, and turn things around (literally or figuratively). Sexual pleasure - which isn't always defined by an orgasm - is about discovering your body and what it responds to. Without that knowledge, we can’t communicate those things to our partners.  

3. Strive for the “O” alone before you strive for the “O” together. Take the pressure off by removing your partner from the exploration (at least for now). Many people find it easier to reach orgasm when they're by themselves because they know themselves and their body better than anyone else does. It also helps alleviate awkwardness when trying new techniques for the first time. (For example, laying on your stomach while masturbating instead of on your back or sitting with both knees open wider to better understand what's happening without wondering if this new position looks weird to someone else.)  

4. Set the mood. We cannot say it loudly enough (for all the people in the back): our mental state plays an enormous role in reaching orgasm. It’s incredibly difficult to orgasm when you are stressed or distracted. When solo, you can take the time to get the mood right for your mind. Read some erotica, or listen to a sexy audiobook to start things off right. Then…  

5. Track your successes. Keep your own yes, no, maybe list to keep track of and share with a partner later.   The bottom line:  We want your journey to orgasm to feel good both mind and body. When you finally hit that “big O,” we want you to enjoy it as much as possible. So, laugh, cry, moan, scream, get wet, and do whatever it takes.   We are here to support you, and we hope that helps keep you feeling more than just seen!  

Mike and The Feeling Seen Team

Submit your story and question HERE!

Note: This content is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We cannot respond to personal requests for advice over the internet.

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