do you have PTSD from infidelity? 🥹

Can you agree to disagree? And still navigate back to love? Today we’re talking about why FS exists. Be yourself. No shame, guilt & other nasty stuff.

But yes to having dignity.

You don’t need to be defensive if a partner mentions they identify as non-monogamous.

Just as a person can identify as bi-sexual, doesn’t mean you can’t find and nourish the love. 

It’s common for a person with non-monogamous values to decide to be in a healthy, happy monogamous relationship.

At our core, we all desire connection 

Being polyamorous is not only about sexual desire.

Connection, emotional expression, and exploration are healthy for both mono and poly relationships. 

It makes sense for a person who is polyamorous to take a leap of faith if they found all these qualities in one person.

That’s special. It’s what’s special about meeting your person.

If you’re experiencing the following, chances are that you’re in a healthy and trusting relationship:

 Openness I Honesty I Courage I Trust

What percentage of millennials say their ideal relationships is non-monogamous?  34% 43% 21% 62% ????

Most people still believe in finding their special person. If you said 43% you’d be right!

(67%) of Americans are not be okay with their partner wanting sexual activity with another. 

The results vary generation-to-generation. 

“I was in a relationship where I was monogamous and my partner was polyamorous. I felt this relationship could work. I asked myself what I expected from this relationship. What I could gain from starting a relationship with someone who is polyamorous. 

“Can I trust them?” 

This was the first thought that came to my mind. After over a year together, my partner was still respectful, sincere, and honest. I remained true to my core values, and my partner never pressured me. 

What the future holds, who knows? All we can do is the same everyone else in any other relationship is doing. Take it one day at a time.”

Every time I recall this message, it gives me hope that anyone dealing with someone sane can navigate happiness.

Mono/Poly Relationships require attention. And:

• Self-awareness

• Accountability

• Communication

• Care

Like any other relationship. We know you heard this before, but every situation is different. 

It’s not about having the right mindset for the situation as much as it’s about being with the right person. And better stated, as being the right person. 

Being honest, giving the required attention & accountability goes a long way. 

Having values and principles, and that your decisions align. Maintaining your dignity is key.

Key to making sure you don’t find yourself in an unfair situation that ends in heartbreak.

Try these tips to improve happiness and sexual satisfaction:

1. Have effective communication about your sexual desires / preferences

2. Work with a sex positive coach or therapist specializing in ENM

3. Attend workshops and seminars to educate yourself about the concept

4. Be willing to talk about your needs for exploration and security

5. If there has been any infidelity, make sure it's addressed in therapy

Whether you can trust your partner or not is a matter of character.

We must be careful not to assume that people are trapped in a behavior pattern because of how they identify.

Actionary, integrity, and consistency are some of the main ingredients of a person you can trust. 

Complete this trustworthy checklist. It’s a way to examine your situation:

• My partner is consistent with their behavior

• My partner shows compassion

• My partner is respectful of people’s boundaries

• My partner relaxes with me

• I feel relaxed when I am with my partner

• My partner respects my time and is considerate of me

• My partner shows gratitude for our relationship

• My partner is honest, even when it hurts

• My partner is open and confides in me

• My partner isn’t obsessed with always having more

• My partner enjoys learning

• My partner and I connect often

• My partner is reliable

Open conversation. Trust, and honesty are important practices that maintain a healthy and satisfying relationship.

An important tip for people in an ENM relationship:

“Explicitly give consent to being in a relationship that works best for all parties. Establish boundaries, expectations, and desires upfront.” 

The Attachment Project 

Let’s Get Real..

Today

~ 132 people will take their own life. By age 34 I lost 4 people to suicide. 

Wondering why is a sexologist talking about suicide? In today’s’ newsletter?

Our team has noticed we lose massive amounts of subscribers with topics that are “taboo” such as todays: ethical non monogamy [ENM].

It’s also because those 4 people were not the type of people society thinks you have to check on.

They did all the things society told you to do to bounce back from a depressive episode. 

Eat Right I Exercise I Go to Therapy I Journal I The list goes on. 

I struggled for a long time asking myself. Was there anything I could’ve done to change those outcomes? 

I found there was a major component to mental health left undiscussed.

And that sexual health, not only when to get checked for STDs or using protection. But a deeper meaning of sexual health wasn't found. 

I’m talking about feeling comfortable and safe in your own body. 

Having the ability to be intimate, not only with others, but with yourself! 

adj Intimate:

Not feeling guilty. Reasons like:

• you didn’t marry [in time]

• didn’t have kids [in time]

• body isn’t “right”

• LGBTQIA+ proud and/or ally

• AND SO MUCH MORE!

Sh!t, even deciding to become non monogamous. Let’s not even get into how infidelity plays a major role on one's mental health.

Therapists have coined the term PISD. Post Infidelity Stress Disorder. You see, sexual actions do have major mental wellbeing outcomes. 

To deal with high levels of cortisol flooding your body. Manifesting into erectile dysfunction, inability to orgasm, vaginismus, performance anxiety etcétera. 

Feeling Seen is our collective journal to release trauma from the body.

So much of what we discuss around sex brings shame, and causes guilt. I’m done with being a part of that culture. 

Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the US. 

Your old bully and those who shame others sounding like crickets

We want to be part of the solution, so we started this community. This is only [a] solution, not [the] solution. 

Weaving Sexual wellbeing with Mental wellbeing.

We want everyone here to be a part of the conversation. If this is something that doesn’t speak to your interests, it’s coo. 

If this does speak to your interests, forward this to a friend, maybe they’ll subscribe and we all grow together. 

If this piques your curiosity, please reply. Do so often as this is an ever evolving collective and we want to hear from you. 

We integrate sexual and mental well-being, inviting everyone to join the conversation. Share your story or questions by replying to this email.