Relationships & the illicit affairs 😒

Today’s topic will be sure to ruffle some feathers 🙃.
Our aim is for all to feel seen and heard. 

It’ll be those that swear they don’t judge. We understand, you rather not partake in one's perspective. Much respect for not judging others.

Truth: In a recent study, it’s been found that over 40% of Americans identify as “kinky”. For a whole new world, check out our Kink Academy friends. 

Ever seen this ⬇️

I want to have multiple partners but I want my partner to be monogamous. 

Your Friend, I “want” Amanda 📍Ontario

We celebrate you. Knowing what you want is half the battle. Curious what road you travel to get here. To this conclusion? 

There are a few reasons that people desire multiple sexual partners in a relationship:

• Diversity

• Excitement

• Honestly, there’s a million reasons

• One person might have a higher libido

• One person might have an illness that limits sexual activity

For any type of consensual/ethical non monogamy. We say designer relationship, the key is communication.

The communication must also include conversations with consent. 

• It’s important to talk about what your general relationship map looks like. 

  • What is the level of emotional security & exploration that your partnership needs? 

• It is important to come up with reasonable agreements that can be kept 

• What is the container of the relationship?

  • How many people are involved in your “designer relationship” village?

• What is the ceiling of the relationship?

  • How far do you want to stretch the agreements?

We’re serious: communication includes conversations with consent. 

• What are your jealousy coping strategies?

• What are strategies to repair broken boundaries?

• When you feel jealous, what does that emotion mean for you?

In terms of partnership there’s a few areas to consider:

• Sexually

• Financially

• Equality 

• Legal & Property Rights 

• Romance & Love

• Religious

• Parenting

• Not to mention: Disclosure to Parents, Children, Friends, Coworkers, The internet 

Neurotic, unsatisfied, lowered mental well-being are beliefs held [even] among the psychological experts. To add health and safety concerns.

You may be the one educating your therapist on your designer relationship! For a Kink Aware Professional, reach out to our in house expert Erin who writes on Feeling Seen with me, Mike. 

Food for Thought:

• What are some assumed agreements, rules and boundaries of traditional relationships?

  • Dont: Create the “do not develop feelings” with a person rule.

  • Do: Create the, “if you feel yourself developing feelings with a person” let’s talk rule. 

• Break jealousy into components to get to the root cause. Jealousy can look like:

  • Hostile

  • Intolerant

  • Suspicious

  • Vigilant 

• The “Virtue of Honesty” is of utmost importance. In designer relationships it’s difficult asf

  • There is a difference between honesty and disclosure. The disclosure is what's challenging. 

  • Deep effective communication is needed.  

  • With too much information shared it becomes easier to question things and it can turn ugly. 

  • Try the [visibility/invisibility] tool.  With honesty and dishonesty everyone has their own interpretation. Which can be carried out differently. The visibility/invisibility tool is transparency within the confines that have been established. 

• Talk about disclosure as some may not want to disclose their relationship dynamic at all due to:

  • Fear of Abandonment

  • Too upsetting

  • Misunderstood

  • Accidently influencing others

  • Loss of career or lost promotion

  • Shunned

  • Emotional distress

  • Mental Health Suffering

  • Yes…we as ppl are judgy asf despite what we say. 

Life + juggling more humans = emotions can become stressful. Resulting in us being less present in the moment.

Check out the netflix of mindfulness →  Gaia. 

Census data show that 40% + [and growing] the 2nd common form of family in America is the blended family. 

The most common relationship style is... you guessed it:

 “serial monogamy, … often peppered with illicit affairs.” 😢

These are tools and not rules. Come at it from that angle, it’ll help. 

There’s beauty in learning about one’s lifestyle. We never know what’s going on with someone. Check in with those you disagree with.

Love yall.

We integrate sexual and mental well-being, inviting everyone to join the conversation. Share your story or questions by replying to this email.