Feeling Seen
Posts
Silent Echoes: Our Sexless Relationship 😔 (Nov 30)

Silent Echoes: Our Sexless Relationship 😔 (Nov 30)

Silent Echoes: Our Sexless Relationship 😔

November 30, 2023

Reading Time: 5 Minutes

Noticing the pattern of sexless nights and moanings past. What are these intimate tales that become the shadows in unspoken spaces. That leave you to feel the whisper of silence in your love story.

EXPERT INSIGHT

Dear Feeling Seen,

Married for five years. Together for ten. Heterosexual marriage. Intimacy is lacking, some may categorize it as a sexless marriage. Can count on one hand the number of times we have been intimate this year. When I ask why or bring it up - he says he wants it, too. I’ve tried to initiate but have gotten put down so many times that I have a fear of trying now. The internet always says men are so sexual and want sex all the time. But I’m a woman and my husband doesn’t ever want sex - or try to have sex with me. I am so hurt and angry inside that I feel resentful, and our communication isn’t great. I try, hard. I’m working on myself to better myself and my internal foundation. Which is good and I feel good about that - for a long time I wondered if my self-confidence struggles were why. But this piece is so hard. He’s resistant to help - therapy or books, etc. I’m always bringing it up but getting nowhere. It’s hard not to feel like i'm not wanted or sexy or good enough. Is this normal? Because I can’t find anyone else out there saying that they feel the same way. I feel very alone. What do you recommend I do? Your Friend, Feeling Unwanted

Let me to take a breath and breathe with you. A story written into the pages of many relationships.

All is not lost. Try not to become swayed by internet egos. You know they’re giving half truths and empty efforts. Rather than playing charades with emotions and unmet desires it’s good you’ve asked and brought it up.

How often do you “communicate”, suggest therapy, or offer resources? Go with caution, as we can make a person feel they need to be “fixed". Truths can RUN & HIDE, when in that position!

Vulnerability meets non-judgement—the magic recipe to bridge the gap between your desires.

Side note: respect one’s vulnerability, it’s truly a courageous pledge. When words flow free, those dusty sheets might finally flee.

Be aware. Some are actors, performative vulnerability isn’t vulnerable. Luckily he’s no actor ◡̈. Still lucky him, you’ve been a patient one.

So, something you already know: Sexless relationships aren't born overnight. There's a mouthful of reasons unheard behind those closed lips. Life’s little everyday curveballs— let’s redirect and connect.

Here are some triggers that contribute to a sexless relationship:

Unknown and known challenges in a relationship
Stress in and outside of the house
Health concerns and physical problems
Natural causes
Unsupported sexual interests
Performance anxiety
Internalized depression
What are we missing!?

You are NOT alone.

15% of couples didn’t have sex last year. [even more staying silent 🤫]

13.5% have been a real-life silent movie for the last half-decade.

Wild info, but it’s all facts.

Say this with me:

Positive Thought * Positive Speech * Positive Action

When you’re somewhere between positive speech and “Dammit! I want to be intimate again!” Remember your request = Open & honest conversation that reaches an agreement on how to make intimacy work for you both.

There’s a diverse range of pleasures and ways to make yourself or your partner orgasm. Titillating huh.

Sex may be a main course for one partner and a dessert for the other.

That’s okay, satisfaction is getting on the same level of feelings and needs met. Always date, we’re human and are all moving into different eras of ourselves. Think about it, TSwift is on her NFL era & thriving!

Here is a checklist to help improve a sexless relationship:

Journaling & Reflecting - track feelings, pleasures, appreciative moments bringing clarity
Mindfulness - calm the mind, less stress, enhance self-awareness
Affirmations & Visualization - centered around regaining confidence and feeling desired
Consider marriage counseling or therapy
Engage with courage. Try active listening, expressive writing, or structured dialogues to share desires without judgment.
Communicate from a safe and authentic space
Discover stress-relief methods: relaxation, baths, hobbies—boost emotional balance
Work through painful attachments—Our energy precedes our physical presence
Explore conflict resolution strategies

Now, here's the real talk:

It’s not fun to play tag within a sexless relationship. So, keep pushing for that honest convo. If professional help isn’t on the table, well, some tough choices might knock on your door soon.

So, let's throw some boundaries on the table. No, not barricades! Emotional boundaries to protect your heart and sanity only.

Prince Charming needs to wake up to reality and choose between his castle and risking it all. Ask him to submit his perspective, he may express himself.

Share your perspectives, concerns, or boldest bedroom tales. Let's inspire one another. Submit below! ◡̈

Submit your story and question HERE!

CULTURAL DIVERSITY

In indigenous cultures, wellness aligns with personal values and spirituality. Embrace these Alaskan Native ideals for a deeper connection:

Respect everyone’s gifts
Share and feel more gratitude
Be true to yourself
Adapt to life’s surprises
Be patient with time
Spread positive energy
Support one another
Value others wisdom
Seek guidance in uncertainty
Recognize life's connections

Submit your story and question HERE!

Note: This content is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We cannot respond to personal requests for advice over the internet.

Visit our Website

How did you like today’s email?

😍LOVE IT

😐IT’S OK

😕DO BETTER

Today's cheeky content was written by: Erin Alexander, Dr. Hall, Mike Johnson

Editing by: Mike Johnson

Was this email forwarded to you? Sign up here!

Reply

or to participate.