True Pleasure Does Not Exist When (May 24)

Reading Time: 5 Minutes

We knew it was coming: the day we started getting comments instead of questions.

Well, guess what?

We LOVE it.

Inside every comment is a question waiting to be answered or a concern needing to be held, heard, and seen.

So, let's get to this week's question...er, comment:

Dear Feeling Seen,  

Condoms, condoms, condoms. It's like everyone in their 40s forgot what they learned in 1990s health classes!  

Sincerely,

Wrap it the f*ck up.  

Dear Wrap it the f*ck up,  

High five for the rant.

We’re right there with you. If a single human male can produce enough sperm to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet, why TF aren’t men using birth control every single time?

In the famous words of T-Boz from the iconic 90s group TLC, "We wanted [women] to have their own stash of condoms and not to leave it up to the guys. Some parents thought we were telling their kids to have sex. But we were making a fashion statement to make it easier to talk about sex."

Based on your entry, perhaps you have been meeting people on the dating scene who don't see you.

We mean, really see you.

We suspect this *comment* isn't about condoms at all (or not entirely, anyway). It's about what condoms represent to you:

• Your freedom and your future.

• Your health, safety, and wellbeing.

• Your dreams, career and lifestyle, and what they mean to you.

• Your lust for educated men who went to high school (at the very least).

• The hard work you've done to love your body and want to protect her.

In other words, your opportunity to feel seen.

To answer your comment, we're going to speak directly to your heart (where all that frustration is coming from):

We know you've already decided that condoms are important. 

You may even know everything there is to know about how to use them safely and what their limitations are. (Thank you Mrs. Benning in Room 201. That health class was dope.)

So, here's what we're going to do this week instead: 

We're giving you all the goods about condoms in our latest blog post and why some people complain about using them *groan*. For anyone in the fam who isn't up to speed with the latest news and developments (like how to use condoms for oral sex and why only latex and plastic condoms can protect against STIs), click here. 

But, if you feel uncomfortable communicating just how important it is to be with someone who understands that your body and everything that your body allows you to do is sacred, read on…

First, values like this must be discussed before you end up in the bedroom. If someone shares the same values as you, they will likely show up with all options they know about to support your health and safety (condoms included) rather than leave you frustrated and alone, screaming into the keyboard about 1990s health class.

If they don’t share your values and prefer to live a life of risk that only serves their impulsive lust, then you can decide whether to proceed.

Here’s what we recommend:

The Feeling Seen Top Five Questions to ask yourself and your potential partner before venturing into the bedroom:

1. What do you envision for your future?

2. How might a health challenge or possible pregnancy interfere with your dreams or plans?

3. How do you talk to your body or treat your body?

4. When did you last get an STI test to check your status?

5. What does safety in the bedroom or a relationship look like to you?

You'll learn very quickly through these questions what values they hold and what they prioritize. This means you can make a more informed decision about your sexual future with them.

The bottom line:

Condoms are important, but they are not the only approach to keeping yourself safe and protected inside a sexual relationship.

Using a condom (or any other means of protection or birth control) means seeing yourself as important (including all your hopes and dreams.)

Treat the conversation about condoms like you would about anything that directly impacts your future or your health: with the importance and priority it deserves!

Lust is no excuse for haste.

True pleasure does not exist when physical and emotional safety is ignored.

Ever. Forever, ever.

With that, we will wrap it the f*ck up and send another Oprah-worthy high-five to your badass self through the screen.

Hope you truly feel that,

Mike and The Feeling Seen Team

Submit your story and question HERE!

Note: This content is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We cannot respond to personal requests for advice over the internet.

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