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Unbroken Strength 🌟: Sex, Boundaries, Love (Nov 23)

Unbroken Strength 🌟: Sex, Boundaries, Love (Nov 23)

Unbroken Strength 🌟: Sex, Boundaries & Love

November 23, 2023

Reading Time: 4 Minutes

Today, as celebrations unfold, our heartfelt gratitude extends to our Feeling Seen family. Embracing the beautiful harmony where intimacy and the mind unite, celebrating the connection of sexual and mental well-being.

If you don't mind, please grab us a to go plate because today's letter is going to need something to nibble on!

EXPERT INSIGHT

Dear Feeling Seen,

I identify as a heterosexual male, and as a child I was sexually abused by an older boy. Since then, I have been uncomfortable with certain sexual acts or being touched in specific ways. I find it difficult sometimes to get turned on when my partner touches me a certain way. I feel so embarrassed. She says that I shouldn’t feel this way and because she is my partner, she should be able to touch me how she wants. This only makes me feel more embarrassed and ashamed. How do I move forward in peace? Please help!!

Your Friend,

Unbroken Child

Dear Strong & Unbroken Child,

Stepping out from behind the curtains of vulnerability, we're thankful. Your words are a full glass of courage. Speaking up about sexual trauma experienced as a child or adult is not easy.

Despite gender, these experiences change the person, families, and social circles giving support. Stats to think about:

More than 30% of confirmed reports of child sexual abuse are male
Boys younger than six are at greatest risk of abuse by family or someone familiar
Boys older than 12 years of age are at most risk of abuse by strangers
Sexual abuse is not specific to gender – 100% hurt for all victims
Sexual trauma for men is a black cloud

Society has always tried to uphold "male bravado". Let's break down barriers of shame. This is one way we can take positive steps towards healing as a society.

Your biological sex doesn’t matter, we hear you & see the strength in your words. Read here for the facts. We are empathetic with your struggles in your relationship.

Partnerships should offer a safe and pleasurable space for sexual comfort. Time for some boundaries to protect you. The debris of sexual trauma impacts quality of life and we don’t want you hurting anymore.

You have control over your body, not your partner

Partners might feel ownership over each other in certain situations, never the case. The first step is empowering yourself and taking ownership of your body.

While exclusivity might be the norm, ownership isn't the case here; each person's choices and relationships are unique and respected. Your body-your right!

Express why this concerns you openly. Shedding some light on your past to your partner may help remove some of the dark clouds. Honest and clear communication is a pillar of any healthy relationship.

"Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen." - Brené Brown

Clear communication is a great way to make sure your needs are being met. Our partners are not mind-readers. Let's avoid getting emotional if our needs aren't met, assuming others can read our minds.

Heightened awareness unlocks empathy and compassion in relationships

A partnership is not a right to do as one pleases with another person’s body

Tips for to improve having tough conversation:

Timing, Tone, Turf → spend time ensuring these are in mind
Write down your thoughts before you say them; be concise
Express yourself following NVC:
- Observe everything ensuring you see all perspectives
- Express your feelings
- Express your needs
- Express your requests
- Understand this is a team and more than one brain is thinking
Use “I” statements to express yourself → Do not say ex. I feel X bc you do Y. Say I feel bc I…your feelings are yours, not your partners
Be positive when possible

If this behavior persists despite your history, rethink your choices. Every episode can be traumatizing, and this is not healthy. A strong approach to protecting your mental and sexual health is a must.

As the receiver, taking accountability can be difficult. Here’s more on personal accountability.

EXPLORE SENSUALITY

Our family is expanding! Share your experiences, concerns, or boldest bedroom tales. Let's inspire one another. Submit below! ◡̈

Submit your story and question HERE!

CULTURAL DIVERSITY

Jin Shin Jyutsu is a traditional Japanese healing practice using your hands. Jin Shin Jyustu is great for many reasons:

Release tension
Decrease stress
Recover from fatigue
Restore harmony and balance in the body and mind

This healing practice removes disharmony and imbalance. This can be done anywhere at any time without any equipment. Combined deep controlled breathing and holding individual fingers.

Note: This content is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We cannot respond to personal requests for advice over the internet.

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Today's cheeky content was written by: Erin Alexander, Dr. Hall, Mike Johnson

Editing by: Mike Johnson

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