Unfulfilled Desires: Kink, Communication & Tantra 🤫 (Dec 7)

Reading Time: 3 Minutes

Have you ever wanted to spice things up but also love the familiar? We've all been there. But there's a catch: unfulfilled desires often get ignored in relationships.

They get buried under appearances and what others will think.

Let's f*vk around and find out about the unspoken pages of desire and relationship dynamics.

EXPERT INSIGHT

Dear Feeling Seen,

How do I get my partner into kinkier sex?

Your Friend Kink Deprived,

📍Findlay

Dear Kink Deprived,

This question lives on the tip of the tongue of so many. With bitterness becoming the lasting taste when desires go unheard. Bedroom talks on spicing things up aren't always easy-going.

40% of people want a little more heat in the bedroom, according to a survey taken by 3,000 people. The great news is that 70% of people were open to adding a little more spice 🌶️. It’s about to get hot in here.

Ready to:

• Exchange spankings

• Get choked and do the choking yourself

• Fulfill your praise and breeding kinks

• Spit in their mouth or yours (we’re still in kink primary school no worries)

And your partner is looking at you with a blank look. The facial expressions on your partner is a beautiful dark twisted fantasy of fear and anxiety.

Here's a proven way, based on evidence, to help you and your partner feel heard and comfortable.

Doing this calms our body's defense system and puts us in a relaxed mode. Comfortable space, our rest & digest mode. The Ventral Vagal Pathway, aka →

Social Engagement System:

• Eye Contact & relaxed facial features

• Ingesting (think: water by the bedside)

• Deep breathing (20+ together calms you both)

• Give soothing sounds in your partner’s inner ear

Also slow it down a bit, even your oven knows pre-heating is always the first step. Have an open conversation that addresses boundaries and expectations of what’s desired.

You might want our free AND useful YES/NO/MAYBE sexual checklist, this is your guide to asking. Hopefully more questions arise!

Make Love, Not Porn

Now let’s say you are in a relationship where you and your partner are wrinkling the sheets. You're both feeding your sexual appetite yet you in particular never feel full.

Consider your partners mindset around this kink topic:

Far from interested, strong boundaries with it

Feeling meh about the relationship

Emotional stress causing lack of closeness

Feeling unaccepted

Stress outside of the bedroom

Mental health episodes

Conditioning, biases, judgements we’ve attached to from our birth

Assuming you’ve been patient, we see it as:

“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting”

Where attention goes, energy flows - easier said than done though. Overcoming challenges for the right reasons and right person is crucial in healthy relationships.

Use non-violent communication tools. They help bridge the gap between your differences in sexual release and exploration. Observing how you & your partner respond, picking up on the small social cues.

Experts say 70-93% of communication is non-verbal. Showing us it’s imperative to observe and digest. Identify your needs and desires, listen to their needs and desires. Then discuss your requests and hear theirs.

Be reasonable, two different brains see things from different vantage points. Giving massive reassurance goes far. You’re ensuring your partner feels seen in their moments of uneasiness.

A relationship is never 50/50 at all times. It’s a gIve and take.  

Sexuality, is daunting for most if not us all at some point or another in our lives.

Top 3 Blocks to Bliss:

Lack of awareness, education and sensation.

Keep these in mind when you craft your next approach. Perhaps attend workshops, seek counsel, find community, try authentic tantra. Would your partner partake in a level one kink community for support?  

Share your perspectives, concerns, or boldest bedroom tales. Let's inspire one another. Submit below! ◡̈

Submit your story and question HERE!

CULTURAL DIVERSITY

Tantric Intimacy

Authentic Tantra is a way of healing that weaves different modalities to help you, feel. It's rooted in the Tibetan 5 Element Practices from Tibetan Buddism.

It combines Taoist sexual yoga, somatic sexual healing, nonviolent communication and western science. Its lineage based tantra, Shangpa Kagyu lineage to be exact.  

Authentic Tantra uses mind, body, spirit and sex to help us erode the conditioning of life. Thus bringing us back to our infinitive self. This healing reveals who and what we truly are = infinite.

Tantric practices can be performed with a partner, solo and/or group as it’s for the benefit of all sentient. This practice facilitates healing, transformation, and spiritual growth.

Inside - Outside - Same.

It’s the yoga of nervous system regulation.

Submit your story and question HERE!

Note: This content is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We cannot respond to personal requests for advice over the internet.

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Today's cheeky content was written by: Erin Alexander, Dr. Hall, Mike Johnson 

Editing by: Mike Johnson

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